I think my past may play a role in my present. I have resentments towards my husband. I did things to make everyone around me happy. Never for myself. I always wanted to please people, so they would love me because of my nasty high school bullying I went through. I felt like I could not be me because I was hated so much for being me. So my resentments towards him, are my issues with pleasing and staying with him. I wanted to leave before we were married and I did not because he cried and I felt bad. So I stayed. Now, at times, I love him but also, at times, I hate him. I feel like my life is not my life. Why did I make choices that were not me? Sometimes I love my life, at times, I hate my life. I could have done so much better for me. Or could I have? Maybe it took this life I have now to realize the truth about my issues.
My dreams, my goals, desires and hopes I always wanted is not what I have now.
Serenity prayer.
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